Tuesday, December 8, 2015

10 Ways to Prepare for Horse Ownership

 1. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don’t pick it up right away. Shout “Get off, stupid! Get off!”

2. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice ‘relaxing into the fall.’ Roll lithely into a ball, and spring to your feet!

3. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse or pocket and write a $200 check without even looking down.

4. Jog long distances, carrying a halter & lead rope and holding out a carrot. (Go ahead and tell your friends what you’re doing--they might as well know now).

5. Affix a set of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling it to a halt. And smile as if you are really having fun.

6. Practice your fibbing skills, like, “I’m glad your lucky performance and million dollar horse won you first place--I’m just thankful that my hard work and actual riding ability won me second place.”

7. Practice speed dialing your chiropractor’s number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder, and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.

8. Borrows the US Army slogan: “Be all that you can be”..(add to it) bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled.”

9. Lie face down in the mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself: “This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience...”

10. Marry money.

I don't know where this originated but it nearly made me cry I was laughing so hard so I had to share it with you guys!